1.
"Well,
I
guess
I
won't
be
the
designated
driver
anymore!"
【笑】

2.
"Just
got
into
a
fender
bender. . .
and
by
fender,
I
mean
the
whole
front
end. "
【脸哭泣】

3.
"I
should
have
just
taken
the
bus
today.
Less
chance
of
crashing. "
【大笑】

4.
"The
airbags
would
have
been
a
lot
more
comfortable
if
they
were
made
of
pillows. "
【想象】

5.
"I
don't
always
crash
my
car,
but
when
I
do,
it's
on
my
way
to
work. "
【滑稽】

6.
"I
think
my
car
needs
a
check-up. . .
and
maybe
some
acupuncture. "
【调侃】

7.
"I'm
pretty
sure
my
car
is
more
damaged
than
my
pride. "
【苦笑】

8.
"The
worst
part
of
this
accident?
The
paramedics
saw
me
in
my
SpongeBob
onesie. "
【尴尬】

9.
"My
car
is
now
a
modern
art
masterpiece. . .
emphasis
on
the
'masterpiece'
part. "
【夸张】

10.
"I
think
my
car
and
I
have
both
lost
our
street
cred. "
【自嘲】

11.
"I
guess
I
have
a
new
excuse
for
being
late
to
everything. "
【开玩笑】

1
2.
"I'm
pretty
sure
even
the
tow
truck
driver
was
judging
me. "
【无奈】

1
3.
"I
always
heard
that
your
life
flashes
before
your
eyes
in
a
near-death
experience.
Apparently,
your
car's
life
does
too. "
【妙语】

1
4.
"To
the
person
who
hit
me:
thanks
for
making
my
insurance
rates
go
through
the
roof. "
【讽刺】

1
5.
"I
never
knew
a
car
could
be
so
easily
totaled.
Note
to
self:
invest
in
a
tank. "
【笑话】

1
6.
"If
only
I
could
make
money
by
crashing
into
things. . .
oh
wait,
I'm
not
a
demolition
derby
car. "
【玩笑】

1
7.
"I
think
my
air
freshener
is
the
only
thing
that
survived
the
accident. "
【艹】

1
8.
"I
have
a
new
life
goal
now:
to
be
as
strong
as
my
car's
bumper. "
【自嘲】

1
9.
"I
blame
my
lack
of
driving
skills
on
Mario
Kart. "
【找借口】

20.
"Well,
at
least
now
I
have
an
excuse
to
buy
a
new
car. . .
right?"
【求安慰】