1.
Life
is
too
short
to
be
serious
all
the
time,
so
if
you
can't
laugh
at
yourself,
call
me
and
I'll
laugh
at
you.
【笑么不开心】

2.
Wine
is
like
duct
tape,
it
fixes
everything,
or
at
least
makes
it
more
tolerable.
【烦恼尽管来，红酒为我解】

3.
I'm
not
arguing,
I'm
just
explaining
why
I'm
right.
【说话不打草稿，自信是王道】

4.
Life
is
uncertain,
but
coffee
is
a
sure
thing.
【不一样的精神体验，一口香浓咖啡】

5.
You
can't
make
everyone
happy,
you're
not
a
jar
of
Nutella.
【身体发福就由我来】

6.
Don't
worry,
be
happy.
Unless
you're
a
grape,
then
it's
OK
to
be
a
little
crushed.
【不做豆腐，何以油盐酱醋】

7.
I
have
a
personality
you
can't
handle,
that's
why
I'm
single.
【神仙的运气，凡人不要乱碰】

8.
I'm
not
broke,
I'm
just
pre-rich.
【又穷又好笑，你有点贱】

9.
Behind
every
successful
woman
is
a
substantial
amount
of
coffee.
【阳光总在风雨后，咖啡定我抚】

10.
Exercise?
I
thought
you
said
extra
fries.
【吃货不解释，淀粉就是治愈系】

11.
If
at
first
you
don't
succeed,
fix
your
ponytail
and
try
again.
【美女有勇无谋，三次出错不敢说话】

1
2.
I
don't
need
a
partner,
I
need
a
personal
pizza.
【没有爱情，有点自私】

1
3.
I
could
give
up
chocolate
but
I'm
not
a
quitter.
【黑或白，巧克力是美食皇后】

1
4.
I'm
a
professional
napper,
just
call
me
a
sleep
consultant.
【偷偷睡觉不打草稿，我的人生我做主】

1
5.
Life
is
too
short
to
wear
boring
clothes.
【丑或美，我穿对的就行】

1
6.
My
hobbies
include
eating
and
complaining
about
how
full
I
am.
【吃饱还是吃，两倍享受】

1
7.
I'm
not
arguing,
I'm
just
explaining
why
you're
wrong.
【听懂我说的话，再来跟我争论吧】

1
8.
My
bed
and
I
are
perfect
for
each
other,
but
my
alarm
clock
keeps
trying
to
break
us
up.
【好入梦，狂叫没商量】

1
9.
I
don't
need
an
inspirational
quote,
I
need
a
glass
of
wine.
【灵魂的栖息地，红酒让我放飞自我】

20.
I'm
not
lazy,
I'm
just
conserving
my
energy
for
important
things.
【低调吃肉，高调懒惰】